mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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