its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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