So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
