Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
