Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
