it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
