wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
