forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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