did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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