I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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