all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
