fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Nicole vs. Life
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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