shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
