I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so let's talk penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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