I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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