Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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