rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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