I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
