I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
