so that wasnt chicken after all
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
