There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
