i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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