In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
These tits shall not be calmed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
