I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We're too hungover to prance.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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