Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize