Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
