ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
