I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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