I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
