I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
