Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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