Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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