Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
