i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
