And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Bring me that man meat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
