You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
