There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My pussy is not your playground.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And then he peed in my hair
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