how can u be prego again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
