I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
