Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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