Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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