Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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