I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
