Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
