ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
