I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
