i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
