Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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