I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
send nudes
from the living room?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
