i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
