You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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