So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Randomize
