you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
