I need to stop coming to work sober
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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