Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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