He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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