I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
