If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Randomize
