Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
