Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
