Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
