She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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