i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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