we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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