went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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