I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
