Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
