Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
