My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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