I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
