I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
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i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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