she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
