Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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